im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
