The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
