your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
