what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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