I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
