Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
