Tell her she can't have a vagina
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
