someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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