im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
