Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
