i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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