If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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