I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
