I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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