This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
