So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
