I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
