Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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