you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
my liver is dry heaving
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
