I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
