I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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