So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
