she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
