I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't trust your balls anymore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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