Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sarcasm needs its own font
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
