shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
