Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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