everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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