is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just pee around me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
