Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
