i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
