Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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