im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
