those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
