well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
