This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
