I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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