at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
