That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
