Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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