she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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