I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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