why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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