Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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