the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
