Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
