Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
