just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this beer tastes like vomit already
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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