My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize