yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
