my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
