Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
