Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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