i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it because I queefed?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
