i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
