If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
