brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
